Pet Peeve #43: Big kids in small strollers

Now, I don't know about you, but I love the little kids, and I love the babies even more.  Those little things are so sweet and innocent and adorable I just want to pick them up and kiss them.  Whenever I am out on the street, or in the mall, and see a baby stroller, I naturally gravitate toward it so I can take a look at the little darling.   I sometimes embarrass myself because tears well up at the sight of a young mother with her dear little one.  

But occasionally I see a baby-buggy that seems to be straining at its springs. Weighted down.  I need to check these out, in case they're stashing a couple of watermelons in there along with their tiny sweetheart. 

But most of the time, to my dismay, the cart will contain a huge, old, overgrown kid in it, which brings into question the parents' sense of reality.  

More than once I've seen a little bugger, riding comfortably in his carriage, with his undersized face contorted into an expression that seems to say, "You don't like it, sucker?"  

Now, listen, when you're old enough to have that kind of a look on your face, you've been in the stroller about four years too long.  

Don't these parents have sense enough to be embarrassed?  Listen, I know you have a busy life.  I know you're in such a hurry.  But one of the greatest joys of being a parent is when your little one first begins to walk. When they're tottering down the sidewalk like a miniature drunk.  

I am not kidding, I saw this one little boy...  Well, actually not a little boy; out of the stroller he was probably four feet tall. I swear, he was hunched over, sort of ducking his head down to keep it from hitting the top.  Looked like Andre the Giant trying to fit into a Volkswagon bug.

Now, you'd think these parents would have a clue.  Apparently not. Someone needs to tell them, "Hey!  Your kid is old enough to ride a bicycle, it's time to let him walk on his own!"   Ya think?

My goodness, a child has to use his muscles.   If he doesn't, well... I have visions of Grandma lifting the little snookums from the carriage for a hug and shrieking in horror as she sees his dangling, atrophied limbs.

Look, I can see how you start pushing your sweet little fair-haired boy around in the stroller, and it becomes a habit and you can move around a lot faster, and I can see how, with your busy life style, you didn't notice that he was old enough to have sideburns.   

Note to parents:  After about a year or so, they become ambulatory!   Let 'em walk, for crying out loud!  No one likes to see an enormous lummox making the carriage wheels sag.

An interesting sidelight:  When you see these gargantuan hulks weighing down the stroller, it is always a boy, never a girl. 

So here is a notice to all of you new parents out there:  When your little darling starts to walk, it's time to ditch the wheels.  

Here are some ways you can tell when your precious little guy is too old to be in the stroller:

• When he can tie his own shoelaces.
• When he weighs 80 pounds.
• When he is in the fourth grade.
• When he is old enough to shave.
• When he's reading "Grapes of Wrath."

All these are signs that it's time to set him free.

So, the next time you are in the mall, and you see a stroller with a kid in it who needs a light for his cigar, you might gently tell his parents that it's time to move on to the next stage of parenting, such as helping him get a place of his own.