Second Look: The One Conversation That Could Save Your Teen’s Life (and Your Own)

Below is an excerpt from the article: "The One Conversation That Could Save Your Teen’s Life (and Your Own)" by NY Times Best Selling Memoir Author Glennon Doyle Melton 

My friend and I talked about this fact: Yes, we spend hours talking to our kids about WHY to say No, but we don’t tell them HOW to say no. When they are put on the spot – they don’t have hours to explain their decisions to their peers. They have a split second. And while our teens and ‘tweens want to make the right decisions, they often want to avoid awkwardness even more. In the absence of a plan, they’ll likely default to yes. Just like we so often do. Maybe they’re not saying yes because they want to rebel – maybe they really do say yes because they don’t know what else to say. They need help knowing, preparing. That is where we come in.

When our babies are little, we help them understand and navigate their world by giving them language. We point and name: “Look. A Bird! A BLUE BIRD!” Then we help them make sense of who they are in relationships to others by modeling appropriate communication. “Say hello to Mrs. White, Jimmy. Hello, Mrs. White!”  When our kids become adolescents, their world changes so much that sometimes it feels to them that they’ve landed on a new planet. They are babies in this new complicated world of teen-dom. And so we need to start over, because a more complicated world calls for a more complicated language. We need to point and label: “Look. A Beer! A whole keg of beer!”  And we need to model the new language they’ll need to find their way.  If we want teens to use their words - we’ve got to provide some words for them that they can keep in their back pocket and pull out at the right moment. Because we’ve taught them how to get along with others, but now we need to teach them how to get along with others while also taking care of themselves. On their OWN. That’s new. 

Here are some we decided upon together:

When you notice a lonely kid: Hey! Here’s a seat for you. Come join us.

When someone offers you a beer: No, thanks. I’m allergic to alcohol. Totally Blows. (Then go fill up a cup with water and nurse that all night to avoid 40 million more questions)

When someone offers you weed:  My mom used to smoke pot when she was younger and now she can smell it from a mile away. She checks my clothes every night. Can’t do it, man. (That’s the one that won, but I liked: HEY! How about we put down these joints and go volunteer at the dog shelter! He liked the first one. Whatever, his show.)

When someone starts texting while driving: Hey, I just saw a movie about a kid who got killed because he was texting and driving. I don’t want you to get killed because I plan to ask you for many, many rides in the future. Pull over if you need to text – I’m not in a hurry.

You find yourself in a sexual situation you’d prefer not to be in: Hey, I like you too much for this to go down this way.

A kid is being teased by another kid in the hallway: Hey. I don’t want anybody to get in trouble here. Why don’t you follow me out of here? I’ll walk you to class.

Someone is about to drink and drive: Don’t risk it, man. My dad’ll get us home- no questions asked. He’d rather pick us up here than in jail.

I don’t know if my ‘tween will use these life preservers we made together. But when that moment comes he will know that they’re available if he wants to save himself. And when he leaves the house in the evening and I say to him, just like when he was two, Use your words tonight – I know he’ll have words to use.

Drinking and driving is a serious problem all year long. The San Rafael Police Department, the San Rafael Alcohol Compliance Team, and other Marin law enforcement agencies & community coalitions are dedicated to a variety of activities aimed at reducing the number of DUI related tragedies. Be sure to check out these links for more information and resources to stay safe and informed:

The Healthy Novato Project
The Mill Valley Healthy Living Community Coalition
The Novato Blue Ribbon Coalition for Youth
The Ross Valley Coalition
The San Rafael Alcohol and Drug Coalition
The San Rafael Alcohol Compliance Team
The Twin Cities Coalition for Healthy Youth
The Youth Leadership Institute
The West Marin Community Coalition

Learn more about the San Rafael Social Host Ordinance
English - http://www.scribd.com/doc/180037937/FINAL-ACT-palm-card-pdf
Spanish - http://www.scribd.com/doc/189075792/ACT-Palm-Card-en-Espanol-in-Spanish

You can learn more about what we are doing and how you can get involved by contacting Kristen Law at the Marin County Prevention Hub.

The San Rafael Alcohol Compliance Team (ACT) has been created through a partnership with the San Rafael Police Department and the Marin County Department of Health & Human Services to reduce underage and excessive drinking in youth ages 12 – 25.