Have Pity on the Rich!

Rich people must protest the way they are treated here in the US of A.

And Marin County is THE place to start, cuz we got a LOT of rich people here. Why, just recently we were proudly cited as one of THE richest counties in the US. Filthily so.

It’s clear that the rich have been horribly mistreated. Let us recount the many, many, MANY ways:

--No one asks the rich to pay their fair share of taxes, income or otherwise. This is obviously the work of insidious discrimination.

This nation was founded by rich, white men. They owned slaves and indentured servants. They didn’t want their fortunes crushed by the British through taxes—they wanted to do it themselves, so they financed a revolution.

And so because of our lop-sided tax policy, rich people are not allowed to contribute to the welfare of all of us. They are kept out of participating in our democracy. They can’t help pay for the cleaning up of the blackened skies, and the festering water. If we’re not all safe and secure from pollution, we’re all in bad shape.

And if the wealth doesn’t go through some measure of redistribution, cuz guess who the poor are gonna rob?

And don’t give me this tired old tripe that the rich help the poor by consuming more stuff cuz it creates jobs--new cars and new clothes just don’t trickle down.

They need to be taxed!

--That leads us to consider the ponderous burden on rich people of the need to buy flashy cars and clothes just to keep up appearances. To impose upon the rich 1 percent-ers the bitter task of bearing the badge of luxury consumerism alone is the harshest form of mistreatment ever known to humans.

--The rich never learn to do things for themselves because the hired help always does it for them.

Every child born rich is discriminated against in this most basic and horrifying way. When such a child assaults adulthood, they know naught how to change a light bulb. All their food must be prepared for them. And what rich person ever writes a check? Those tasks are always done by the hired help.

--Politicians and nonprofits ask only rich people for money.

Being singled out in this manner is just as bad as being singled out because one’s hair is of a different color. People without means zero in on the rich every day. They track them down through nonprofit donation reports. They pour over political donation lists. A rich person gives a little gift and is rewarded with constant harassment.

--The rich are followed whenever they walk into an expensive haberdashery. “How may I help you today?” they are asked. “Would you like to try on the Scott Henshall? How about the Christian Lacroix?”

--The rich gain access to politicians because of large donations. That means the rich need to stay educated on all the issues.

That is a high social cost in terms of time and dedication. Subscription to the local papers is expensive. The New York Times is almost $400 a year. And the Chronicle of Philanthropy is half that.

--But the greatest burden of all is envy. That’s a social barrier of huge proportions, which must be guarded against. So the rich need to buy kidnap and ransom insurance. Such policies start at $60,000 annually at the low end, and rise steeply from their, totaling millions of dollars a year.

--But here’s a calming thought: the initials of Occupy Main Street are OMS. And Oh-Em-Ess is easier to say than Oh-Dubba You-Ess, which are the initials of Occupy Wall Street.

Please, have pity on the rich. They must bear so much.

(With thanks to Keith Knight.)