Mountain Bikers Co-opt Marin Bicycle Coalition

A tongue-in-cheek take on the new push for more trails for bikes.

Theyyyy’rrre baaaack!  The quest for more single track trails by thrill-seeking bicyclists is on anew.  And now the Marin Bicycle Coalition has joined the clamor for more single track trails to be opened for mountain bike use.  I guess it’s not rewarding enough to help open bike paths along our roadways, or help kids with Safe Routes to School. No, now they’ve decided to use their considerable clout to hire a lobbyist because there just aren’t enough trails for bikers in the open space.

As someone who has represented hikers and equestrians on more than one occasion in the ongoing battle to keep our open spaces places of tranquility, not multi-use speedways, I have developed some simple rules for defusing the biker-hiker-equestrian conflicts on the mountain once and for all:

1. Don’t call them mountain bikes, call them fire-road bikes

This would be the easiest solution. It keeps them where they belong. No conflicts with wildlife, equestrians and hikers occur and no expectations unrealistically raised. Erosion and scofflaw illegal trailblazing will be eradicated.  And all able-bodied bike jockeys who truly do want to experience the joys of winding mountain trails, can leave their bikes at home and walk.

2. License them

This is really a no-brainer.  When I was a child, all bikes had to be issued licenses.  This way, renegade bikers can be tracked down and cited appropriately. Assuming they don’t emulate TV criminals and obscure their license numbers, steal licenses from other bikes, or just steal the whole bikes and dump them in ravines when through with the thrill ride.

3. Make them go to pre-bike ownership counseling with at least one hiker and one equestrian in the room

In a mutually respectful setting, a neutral facilitator encourages all parties to let out their feelings. Then they can have a session of telling each other “How they really feel,” so long as only pillows and sofa cushions sustain damage from any unrestrained outbursts.  Horses and small children should be kept outside.

4. Outlaw spandex

I know, this would impact the yoga, soccer mom and after hour club crowds too. But in light of the greater good that would result from making bikers wear ordinary clothes like ratty sweat soaked tee shirts and chain-catching blue jeans, that would be a small price to pay for renewed tranquility on the mountain.

5. (My personal favorite) Open a mountain bike theme park

This can have man-made mountains, narrow trails, fake snakes and other wildlife to squash under wheels.  Chills and spills rides.  Underbrush courses, for the really daring riders.  Maybe adventure seeking volunteers can pretend to be hikers so the bikers can still enjoy shouting “on your left” as they pass perilously close.

Let the comments begin.

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John Ferguson June 28, 2013 at 01:24 PM
*Sigh*, I guess it's time to stop feeding the troll..
Catherine June 28, 2013 at 02:34 PM
Sorry that you are realizing others are on to mtbrs childish, selfish & dangerous tactics to try & get more trail access & more trails made for them. I hope nobody else has to get hurt. Grow up little boys. Oh, and your assertions that equestrian's are the rude, snobby, hateful people that you all say they are. Check yourselves, & your own comments & name calling. It is absolutely the other way around. They have been kind & bending over backwards trying to make it work. It's because of your own kind that it is not working. No, I am not an equestrian. Been talking to & observing for a very long time. I have learned over the years, because of the mtn bikers themselves, to hate all of them. Go ride the "portal trail" in Moab, & ignore the signs.
Bubbasixpack June 28, 2013 at 02:46 PM
When I critisized stupid prehistoric beasts that crap all over the place and hog the trails, oxygen and blogs, I didn't mean you specifically, Cathy. Sorry if it rang your bell, but you're an army of one here. Real horse riders are too busy cracking their cookies on a fast trot to pay attention to your hatefull rants. Sorry, but the day the wheel was invented, you were deader than disco.
Catherine June 28, 2013 at 03:08 PM
Bubbs, you are Craig Belfor, aren't you? Did you have to change your name? Embarrassed? Not sure you shouldn't be embarrassed still. Your a real peach, Bubba. Typical of a mtbr.
Craig Belfor June 28, 2013 at 03:53 PM
Catherine, you must accept the fact that maybe more than one person dissagrees with you. For your own sanity, try not to get exited over people with no last names. They can say whatever they want with no reprecussions. I'll stick to my opinion, and post my last name, but not everyone has the guts or conviction to do that.
Sierra Salin June 28, 2013 at 04:36 PM
O.K. Catherine, let hear what put downs and froth you have to put out for me, eh? So far you just sound like a raging so sure of yourself bigot which lumps every mt bike rider into the same mold, of personal enemy. Get off you "high horse" of knee jerking beliefs and pigeon holing certaintudes darlin, and you may find that you have more support (and in common with) from all sides. You should step back and listen to yourself spew sometime. It makes me wonder if you are as bad with other groups such as blacks, jews, elderly, gays, disabled, bureaucrats, liberals, conservatives, or whichever. Quit lumping all and everybody of ANY group into stupid little boxes of assumption. You may be surprised at what you find, even within "your" pet groups which you believe to be without any warts.,.... We are all a mixture of good and less good, and we all have our spots. Can we leave a planet worth living on for anythings future is what interests me the most, personally....
Catherine June 28, 2013 at 04:36 PM
Why don't you & Bubbs have someone else explain what my comments mean. Again, reaffirms to me that lack of brain function & mt biking go hand in hand. (I know there are old school mtn bikers, & some that do have common sense, that do agree with me/us. Don't want to offend all. I am actually displaying lack of brain function myself, by even trying to reason with you fools, & continuing this absurd back & forth. Hope the women & horses are well today.
Sierra Salin June 28, 2013 at 04:46 PM
Go back and read your own postssss Catherine. Some of us do resent being lumped. You sure make a bunch of comments about "all" .... Are all women (especially blondes) stupid? Are all men testosterone filled jerks? Are all all alll whatever..... quit assuming things and try asking.
Catherine June 28, 2013 at 04:52 PM
S. you read your own comments, re-read mine, & see if your conclusion is the same. This time, for sure, I am gone. Waste of time. Hopefully, what is right, wins. Time will tell.
Sierra Salin June 28, 2013 at 09:53 PM
We were gone before the electrons dried darlin.
Bubbasixpack June 29, 2013 at 01:55 PM
Looks like Sierra and Cathy won't be sharing a hot tub any time soon.
Trailbikerbilly June 29, 2013 at 03:02 PM
Anyone think about the two kids on the bikes? Imagine you're a couple of kids riding down the mountain, having a good time, even though having a good time is against the rules of the beast masters on horses. You round a corner and blocking the way is a couple of dykes on their dinosaurs. You manage to avoid them, but their stupid crap machines take the opportunity to toss Butch and Bruiser off and escape from their misery and enslavement, heading for the hills. Butch looks pretty busted up, and Bruiser is looking for revenge, so you book out of there. Next thing you know, Catherine is treating all bikers like Paula Dean and everything with a wheel is taboo. Sorry girls, but the wheel is here to stay, and Mastodon riding is so last century that even country music just kept the hats and canned the fertilizer factories.
Catherine June 29, 2013 at 10:39 PM
tbbilly.....take your bike seat & shove it where it will make a difference for everybody.
Bubbasixpack June 29, 2013 at 11:12 PM
Isn't that what horse riders do when they trot?
Aaron G June 29, 2013 at 11:14 PM
So the solution to illegal trail use is to ban bikes from all trails Catherine? How did that tactic work out for marijuana? Listen, I understand that you are already a rabid anti mountain bike, man hater and that is fine but I think advocating acts of violence against others over the acts of some stupid scared kids is a bit over the top. Surely you must realize that your posts here only serve to back up the portrayal of the anti bike crowd as a bunch of raging lunatics. You are not doing your side any favors and I think you should seek professional help. You have been blinded by your anger and hate.
Catherine June 29, 2013 at 11:33 PM
ooo 's & xxx'x, As I said previously, Portal Trail, Moab, ignore the signs.
Catherine June 29, 2013 at 11:40 PM
Violence..... give me a break, you little p------s. I thought all you boys liked all that ruffy, tuffy, rebely kind of stuff. Babies!!!
Aaron G June 30, 2013 at 12:25 AM
Gee Catherine (Terri Sweet) If I didn't know better I would say you were wishing me, a person you have never met, bodily harm with your reference to the Portal Trail, an extraordinarily dangerous trail where several people have been seriously injured or killed. I only know this because I have already ridden it...twice. As for the ruffy tuffy stuff, on the trail I prefer just a polite nod and a hello. If that is what you are into, well, to each his own. I am not judging. Seriously though lady, you have issues and you really should get yourself into a program of some sort. You clearly have a lot of hate. Mountain bikes will not be going away...ever. What good does it do to focus so much energy and hate towards something that you can't control?
Bubbasixpack June 30, 2013 at 12:41 AM
Looks like we drove Cathy nuts, although it was a short commute. While she's friggin off to pix of Mr. Ed, the moutnain bikers are enjoying a good ride, something Cathy has yet to experience. Let's see what she comes up with as a retort to this post. I assure you, it'll be juvenile at best.
Sierra Salin June 30, 2013 at 01:05 AM
Bubba/Aaron, you are both extremely unkind and uncool, and are doing nothing but fan the flames in a jerkish way, which only serves to adhere to the bad name which some folks choose to give to all bikers...... Grow up and start looking for ways to create some peace on this whirtlin glob while you have the chance.
Catherine June 30, 2013 at 01:25 AM
Well, nighty, night. I hope you get it figured out, that you should be acting like, ummm, men??? Wheel your bike into bed with you. You'll be out on the trails early, as that is when you do your most trail, tearing up rides. I won't get off onto that, whole other aspect of bikes on trails. The subject at hand, is the women & horses that were hurt. It has happened other places, with older males?...boys??....oh, I think I get it. When you get that bike between your legs, you don't know what you are anymore, either. Yep, that's it. Well, your not on your bike right nowwww. Maybe your looking at it. This incident, & others like it, involving men on bikes, that aren't being men anymore, are very serious. And, Aaron, don't think I forgot our conversation, about mtbrs, children,,, teaching them...right from wrong. Remember ? My best to the women hurt in this incident, again, today. Don't hurt anyone out on those trails tomorrow p-------s.
Catherine June 30, 2013 at 01:28 AM
Oh, I forgot....is that you pictured above, Trail.. Biker...Billy? Or is it Bubbles, excuse me, Bubbs
Sierra Salin June 30, 2013 at 02:17 AM
Catherine, you are just as unkind and uncool as Bubba/Aaron. You would all rather just fight, put each other down, and call each other names. Have fun, and enjoy it, I guess, and you do nothing to bring any resolution or peace. Grow up and get over it.
Trailbikerbilly June 30, 2013 at 02:37 AM
See you on the trails, Catherine. I'll look for the crazy one on a horse.
Stefanie July 11, 2013 at 02:32 PM
Catherine - You have certainly done a fantastic job proving yourself hostile and well, downright psychotic. Yes, I am a runner and yes, I grew up showing/training horses. No, I am not a mountain biker. I own a cruiser. Twenty five + years experience with both has taught you nothing. Catherine June 27, 2013 at 05:36 pm Are you a runner? I don't know. If you are, I bet your neglecting to state that you are also a mt. biker. Perhaps even more so a mtn. biker than runner. You know how I know that? Because that is what all mt. bikers think of those who disagree with them. "They"re crazy. Mentally unstable." Twenty five + years experience with both, is not uneducated. No apologies for me necessary.
John Ferguson July 11, 2013 at 05:36 PM
Board trolls - just don't feed 'em..
Craig Belfor July 11, 2013 at 07:31 PM
The ones I feel sorriest for are the hikers, who have to walk into this battle, while being the most gentle, quiet, and environmentaly clean group on the trails.
Aaron G September 18, 2013 at 03:10 PM
Craig, Hikers have exclusive access to thousands of miles of trails.
Bubbasixpack September 18, 2013 at 03:51 PM
Jeez, Aaron, now you're going to wake up Cathy! Get ready for another bucket load of horse snot.
Syrah September 18, 2013 at 07:09 PM
Sniff sniff sniff sniff, Bubba, there you are!!!!


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