Why I Am Helping My Homeless, Childhood Friend Kelso

Why should I try to help Kelso? Many of his close friends have tried and failed in the past. According to them he’s left the proverbial path of lying, cheating and stealing in his wake. It’s certainly not an uncommon tale that is told countless times in AA and NA meetings throughout the country. Kelso’s friends are still sympathetic to his plight, but bridges have been burned and now Kelso seems to have become a hopeless addict who is content to spending his days and nights in the streets. There seems to be nothing more anyone can do for Kelso.

Patch readers might remember me blogging two years ago about my experiences helping a homeless person. Back in the mid 1990’s I was working at the Palace Hotel in downtown San Francisco. When I wasn’t biking to work I drove to the hotel and I parked about a mile away in a free parking zone off Beale Street near the main post office and walked to the hotel. My shifts varied and I walked the downtown neighborhood before 6am and after midnight and several points between. There were many homeless people at the time, some of them living under and overpass near the bus terminal off Mission Street which I passed on my way to work.

During the walking portion of my commute under the overpass I got to know a homeless African American veteran named Brenda who was in her mid-40’s and in poor health, living out of a shopping cart on a pile of blankets. She was an alcoholic with hepatitis that corroded her liver and her situation appeared entirely hopeless. She didn’t want to live indoors. There were times I brought her food and clothing. We talked a bit and said hello to one another every time I passed her. Sometimes she was volatile like Kelso could be. Other times she was delusional, intoxicated or both. Brenda wasn’t looking to get sober and at that time you didn’t need to become sober to get indoors in San Francisco.

There was a lengthy red tape path available to Brenda to get inside through Swords to Plough Shares, a veteran’s assistance program. They had an ‘in’ with the social services of San Francisco. In order to get a place in a program in addition to filling out paperwork and meeting with doctors Brenda did however need to hand over her general assistance (GA) check every month to a case manager if she took a spot in a downtown homeless hotel. In exchange she would have a room and access to medical and social services that could improve your quality of life. I had a girlfriend who had worked at the same homeless hotel a few years previously and she said it was basically a place people went to die. It beat dying in the streets. It was winter time, and the people I spoke with didn’t give Brenda much more than six months.

Brenda didn’t want to hand over her GA check, which I believe was about $330/month. At the time the homeless flocked to San Francisco to collect that check, and Brenda had moved from Florida to San Francisco for it. She had left behind a teenage son. Children seem to be the collateral damage of the addicted homeless. Kelso loves his kids. Brenda loved her son. Their body’s cravings for alcohol were stronger than the pull of their hearts towards their offspring.

I spent months meeting up with Brenda and in that time an idea forged in my mind. If I ever met up with someone I knew who was homeless I would try to help them. It was a no brainer. Helping Brenda was a no brainer too, because I passed her every day and while I did go out of my way, it wasn’t like a great burden or anything. If I would help Brenda, a complete stranger, why wouldn’t I take the time to help someone I knew, especially if I lived or worked close by to where they were staying.

Eventually Brenda had a run in with some drug dealers from Richmond. They beat the crap out of her and broke the new glasses that I helped her get with a voucher through a Catholic charity and the downtown Lenscrafters store. A homeless couple would who lived on the sidewalk across from Brenda came to her aid. The man got both of his arms broken. The woman was beaten as well and all three ended up in the hospital.

As a side note I was in contact with the officer investigating the crime. He told me that most of the time these beatings went unprosecuted because even if they could find the criminals, they couldn’t find the victims when they needed to move cases forward. But using me as a point of contact the DA agreed to press charges. It was all part of the odyssey that became saving Brenda.   

When I saw Brenda the next day she was battered and distraught. She told me it was time, she was ready to get indoors. I’ll never forget that moment of clarity, determination and commitment. She knew she was going to die in the streets. So from that point forward we did what we needed to do to get her a spot in the hotel where she could die in peace and with care. There was never any thought of rehabilitation for her, Brenda was beyond that, and after missing one doctor appointment because I couldn’t find her then making the next, and working with the Swords to Plough Shares people, one day I was able to pull my car up to Brenda’s slab of sidewalk and tell her to put her stuff in my trunk so I could take her to her new home. She was overjoyed and it was one of the happiest moments of my life: perhaps became the greatest thing I’ve ever done.

The last I checked a few years ago Brenda was still alive and residing at the hotel. She didn’t die in the streets.

So I visit Kelso now. I really don’t know what to expect. He too may be beyond rehabilitation. I know he appreciates my presence and friendship. I hope that someday he will want to come inside. It may take a near death experience and a trip to the emergency room. He's already had at least one this year. The worst part though is that it will likely take sobriety. Unlike Brenda’s situation from what I’ve learned he can’t get the help he needs unless he agrees to try to become sober. I don’t know much, I’m not an expert on homelessness, drug or alcohol addiction or mental illness, all of which doubtlessly are afflicting Kelso and will dog him for the rest of his life. But I do know that this thing about agreeing to sobriety while getting help, this idea that someone like Kelso is going to make that choice is not working.

There has got to be another way. There may be a Catholic program in the East Bay that will take Kelso in, sober or not and I waiting on the details. And that may be Kelso's best hope.