A wise psychologist once told me that the subject of behavior change consumes the largest amount of real estate in psychology libraries. We may know what's good for us, but getting there is another thing. Often the strategy we employ is highly regimented ("I will stop eating sugar -  cold turkey;" "I will run five days a week") and punitive ("I ate that cake. Now I've failed"). But long lasting behavior change requires patience and the ability to pick ourselves up when we fall and try, try again.

Problematic behaviors begin because at one point in our lives they might have been a survival technique, says Mill Valley life coach Johanna Beyer. "The behavior becomes ingrained in our brain's pathways even if it does not serve us anymore – and so we think that's how it has to be."

This explains why a new behavior can feel so wrong even if it is right.

"When I work with people who are ready to begin new behaviors, every cell in their body is screaming 'do it the old way!'"  explains Beyer. To break these old patterns, she challenges her clients to "bite their tongue and experiment with something little and new every day."

Just as there are many different theories of behavior change, there are differing perspectives on how best to achieve it.  Here are ten of them:

10 Resolution how to's

1. Give up your resolutions! "Resolutions have become synonymous with something you actually are NOT likely to do!" says Barbara Waxman, a life coach who focuses on midlife transitions. Rather than a narrow, pinpoint goal, she encourages people to create a mindset, to set day-to-day intentions that inspire them.

"Set the qualities of what you want," says Beyer. If a client wants better health, she encourages them to find a new form of exercise they can enjoy, cook two meals a week at home rather than going out, take a walk with a friend rather than getting a cocktail. "This type of perspective helps you to keep your eyes open to opportunities that are all around you but often unnoticed," says Beyer. "Instead of a contrived goal, you change the way you see things and create a lot more space for opportunities."

2. Be SMART "Some studies have shown that goals are easier to reach if they are very specific," says Waxman, "down to a detailed play-by-play on how they will be executed." For many, goals are most reachable when broken down into small steps that are SMART: specific, achievable, realistic and time-oriented. "Go for the low-hanging fruit rather than beginning with the long-held dreams," she says. "For example, if a job change is on the horizon, make a January intention to have three conversations with people in a job you might like to have." Or if exercise is your goal, mark in ink the three days each week you will exercise. She emphasizes that clients "make a commitment with themselves that absolutely does not change unless there is a crisis of major proportions."

3. Create an emotional connection with your intention. While intentions are usually created by our rational brain ("This will be good for me, so I should do it"), the follow-through is largely dependent on our emotional side. "Behavior change is so challenging because we often think our rational brains will power us through a resolution," says Waxman. "But it's our emotional brain that ends up taking over." For example, she says, how many of us say we will give up desserts for a month because we know it will be good for us? Then how many of us see a cookie and eat it, knowing full well that we decided not too? "It is imperative to create an emotional connection with the goal and to have a plan, broken into manageable segments to get there," she says.

4.   Be motivated by something positive. Because behavior change often means uprooting old, familiar habits, we can easily fall prey to guilt or fear when attempting something new. According to a Harvard Women's Healthwatch report, "Experts who study behavior change agree that long-lasting change is most likely when it's self-motivated and rooted in positive thinking."

5. Be patient. One significant barrier to change is that all too human trait —impatience. We wake up resolved and can't wait to wipe the slate clean. But, absent a genie in a bottle, 25 years of smoking or a lifetime of overeating will take a little time to reverse. One popular behavior change theory states that at any given time, a person is in one of five stages of change: precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, or maintenance. The idea is that people move from one stage to the next, with each stage preparing them for the following one. Hurrying through or skipping stages is likely to result in setbacks.

6. Find an accountability buddy. The importance of having someone to keep you straight can not be underestimated. A U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Healthy People 2020 report found that participants who exercised with buddies, made contracts with others, and received emotional support showed improved fitness levels, lower body fat percentages, increased knowledge about exercise, and improved confidence in their ability to exercise.

7. Do one thing. "When people come to me, they are often really overwhelmed," says Beyer. "When I work with someone and figure out what's important in their life, I like to ask them 'what is the tiniest thing you can do this month to achieve your goal?' (for example, can you take one yoga class this month)." It lightens the burden to do just one thing, she says. And often people will report that they've done much more than they set out to do.

8. Keep a gratitude journal "This is a great tool for people to keep moving forward with resolutions," says Beyer. She recommends keeping a small writing pad by the bed and jotting down three very specific things every day that you are grateful for (for example, the interesting conversation you had with a friend, the person who waved and smiled when you cut them off in traffic). These observations are powerful, says Beyers, because they help us to see daily experiences in a more constructive light. Our minds naturally lean to the negative, she explains, due to a primitive survival skill, "but when we re-train our brain to go toward what is working in life, it's unbelievable what can happen." Even on a crappy day, there is a lot that still works. Over time you start to look for the experiences that are positive, and a lot can shift in your life."

9. Create a vision board. Oprah does it – need we say more? A vision board is basically an old-fashioned collage full of images that inspire you. "You don't even have to know why you're pulling each word and image," says Beyer, who does this with each of her clients. "You light up and feel like you're coming home when you see it -- this is what I want my life to look like. It wakes up your brain to different opportunities each day."

10.  Stay the course. Learn to accept that you're going to slip up.  The change process is not black or white. Take small steps and celebrate them.  Beyers' favorite mantra: "I'm working on it."  

Resources

Johanna Beyer, On Your Path Consulting 

Barbara Waxman, The Odyssey Group